I was afraid to move this morning. Gradually, as I realised that my desire for a cup of tea was growing more with passing time, I turned over in bed and slowly lifted myself up to a sitting position. Something was wrong...had my body gone numb?! I should have been hurting, surely?

Yesterday I cycled for 32 miles in the morning, then went on a 4 mile walk in the afternoon. My brain told me that, by rights, I would be hurting this morning. I wasn't. In fact, I even went on a 5 mile walk today and had no problems whatsoever. I am feeling quite proud of myself. Obviously my fitness and stamina have improved immensely in the last few months.

Some of my friends think that my exercise is getting obsessive. Exercise can be addictive, I can't deny that. However, my cycling and walking is more about getting out on my own; it gives me time to think and to de-stress from work.

I have not been 100% happy for a while (generally I am cheerful but there always feels like something is missing, I just haven't been able to work it out until now). Getting out on my own has given me the opportunity to mull over recent events and figure out what I want from life. I've come to the conclusion that I don't want this. "This" being how I am currently living day by day without really aiming for anything. And I do actually want more: A family...before I get too old; a home of my own that I can decorate as I please; a photography/writing career; a chance to explore the world, perhaps.

I am tugging at the roots that I've set down...is it the Spring, I wonder? I always get restless at this time of the year. 
 
There are things that I want to do. I have written up ideas for three books (non-fiction) and have several other projects that I could be working on (exciting ones that I don't want to mention until I have confirmation that they are going ahead). I even have inspiration (if only I could write!!) for a novel. But something is holding me back...too much work at work, perhaps? Or am I trying to crowd myself with too many ideas.

This is why I need to get out and think - I need to come up with an action plan that balances all my needs, desires and plans. It's not that there isn't enough time, it's that I'm not using the time I am given wisely, methinks. :-/

I had hoped for a lie-in today to help recover from the stresses and strains of the week but chance would be a fine thing. I was wide awake at my usual time (6.35am) and now wondering if it would be a good idea to crawl back into bed and try to grab some more sleep.

A week goes by so quickly in my world. Too quickly. It's difficult, sometimes, to keep track of the days. I often get to the weekend and wonder where the hell the time went. And have all my plans been completed? No... but I am doing a lot better at not procrastinating my life away. Progress, methinks.


I'm beginning to notice patterns with my procrastination. It's like a bad habit that I want to shake off, much like a smoker who has had enough of filling his lungs with tar. Procrastination, I think, is just as addictive as tobacco if not worse, and it breeds more procrastination (like Tribbles; a star trek reference), and is worsened when, like me, you have an impulsive nature. Still, if people can give up tobacco, I can give up procrastination...right? Well. One step at a time, I'm sure it can be done.

Stressful Days

Some days are always more stressful than others, whether it be other people that cause problems or more work than normal, or just that everything happens at once. Today, it was another person that made me stressed. I had to deal with someone who is very difficult indeed, someone who rants and raves as soon as you say something to him, and I'm sure it's partly because he's afraid that someone will notice that he doesn't actually know what he's doing.

As soon as I sent an email earlier today, I had an uneasy feeling that I was baiting a bear. It was a simple, straight forward message, but I guess there's only so many times you can poke a bear with a stick before it turns around and bites you. Today, I got bitten. Well, actually I got yelled at down the phone.

Twenty five minutes I was on the phone for until, finally, he calmed down enough to listen to me. Annoyed? Yes, I was, but somehow I managed to stay calm and got what I wanted.

So. Tonight. I need stress relief: back to running. Yay!

The end of procrastination?

I am an interminable procrastinator. If you've been reading my blog over the past 6 years, this will probably come as no surprise. It is a repeating theme; the story of my life.
I have always suspected how bad my procrastination is but I didn't expect to be a master at it. Apparently I am. However, I am determined for it not to seal my fate. There is too much I want to achieve with my life.
Read any article on procrastination and you will see the same tips appearing again and again to overcome it but the key is getting the right motivation in the first place, and a lasting one.
As I was driving back from Dover, I stopped off at a motorway station and, there, practically throwing itself at me, was the book "The Procrastination Equation" by Dr Piers Steel. I bought it on a whim, but it's fascinating. I now hope that it will help with my years-long search for a "cure". We shall see.

Funnily enough, finding this book has almost coincided with a Time Management course I attended yesterday. (Do you see a theme developing here? I'm trying to organise and improve my life more than I ever have). This one was to help me with my job which revolves around three different roles but has applications which I can use just as easily at home as in the work place. I spent the whole journey home planning - maybe I will get those projects underway after all.

Right now, I am optimistic. I just have to keep myself motivated...

I feel a bit sad today. It's a long story. Even the bare bones of the story doesn't seem to make sense to me. I keep wondering where I could possibly have gone wrong but I don't think it's me. Strike that. I know it's not me.
I don't understand why people runaway, especially when there doesn't seem to be any reason. Just ceasing contact. It upsets me. More so when I got on so well with someone. I've realised that the one thing I'll never quite understand is people. Some people, at least. I would never put every person in one category!


On Cat Central - Everything seems to be going well. The cats are getting used to me and I'm finding that I can actually relax here. I haven't been for a run since Monday, however, which kind of ruins my fitness regime (I'm up to 7mile runs now, by the way). I am out in the countryside here and I don't feel so safe running in the dark lanes at night. :-/

Chilling out

At 11.49 last night, I woke up wide awake and thought "wow, what an amazing sleep". Then I looked at my clock and realised that I'd only been asleep for a couple of hours. I'd had an Indian Head Massage in the evening and fell asleep almost as soon as I got back. It was amazing.

I did manage to go back to sleep again, and slept through most of the night. Not even the rascal cats woke me up with their night time games (seriously, that first night, they must have been very unsettled having me stay here and they were really noisey). I feel much more chilled out this morning (it also helps that I have an off-site meeting today, so I get to enjoy a later start!).

I have worked very hard over the last year and a half, and, finally, I have got myself into the position where I don't have to worry so much about money. I can afford the odd treat (like Indian Head Massages) now and then, and I can fix my car if it goes wrong. It is very different from this time last year where I could barely afford to eat. [I never want to be that poor again. Ever.]

So. Day three at Cat Central begins. Already the cats have given me morning cuddles. I am starting to enjoy this. Here is a photograph of the other cat: