Wednesday, 11 April 2012

I was afraid to move this morning. Gradually, as I realised that my desire for a cup of tea was growing more with passing time, I turned over in bed and slowly lifted myself up to a sitting position. Something was wrong...had my body gone numb?! I should have been hurting, surely?

Yesterday I cycled for 32 miles in the morning, then went on a 4 mile walk in the afternoon. My brain told me that, by rights, I would be hurting this morning. I wasn't. In fact, I even went on a 5 mile walk today and had no problems whatsoever. I am feeling quite proud of myself. Obviously my fitness and stamina have improved immensely in the last few months.

Some of my friends think that my exercise is getting obsessive. Exercise can be addictive, I can't deny that. However, my cycling and walking is more about getting out on my own; it gives me time to think and to de-stress from work.

I have not been 100% happy for a while (generally I am cheerful but there always feels like something is missing, I just haven't been able to work it out until now). Getting out on my own has given me the opportunity to mull over recent events and figure out what I want from life. I've come to the conclusion that I don't want this. "This" being how I am currently living day by day without really aiming for anything. And I do actually want more: A family...before I get too old; a home of my own that I can decorate as I please; a photography/writing career; a chance to explore the world, perhaps.

I am tugging at the roots that I've set it the Spring, I wonder? I always get restless at this time of the year. 
There are things that I want to do. I have written up ideas for three books (non-fiction) and have several other projects that I could be working on (exciting ones that I don't want to mention until I have confirmation that they are going ahead). I even have inspiration (if only I could write!!) for a novel. But something is holding me back...too much work at work, perhaps? Or am I trying to crowd myself with too many ideas.

This is why I need to get out and think - I need to come up with an action plan that balances all my needs, desires and plans. It's not that there isn't enough time, it's that I'm not using the time I am given wisely, methinks. :-/