Friday, 26 October 2012

Life and stuff

The weekend is here. I'm sat beside a roaring fire (I might have put too much wood on it in my excitement...and my impatience to get the fire going...) and waiting for the arrival of that someone special. She shouldn't be too much longer but already my stomach is in knots with excitement.

Life does take strange turns when you least expect it, doesn't it?! Just three weeks ago, I had no idea that I would be moving house. Three months ago, I had no idea that I would meet up with someone very special indeed. Three years ago, I had no idea that I would change jobs after 8years of employment in one place. You think you are on one path but the road forks and twists the whole time. Who knows how much life can change in just a moment.

There is the Buddhist concept that everything is change. Nothing, not even your thoughts, are the same from one moment to the next. Even your body changes, the cells die and are replaced. I read somewhere that there is not one part of us that we are born with that is with us today. If everything is in motion, all we can do is ride the waves and embrace the change, good or bad. Tomorrow is a new day, bringing with it new experiences and hope.

There are times that we are desperate to stay with, and other times that we could do without. But Change is the journey and the path. It is a personal journey, unique to every one of us.

My worst times have been plagued with the feeling that things would always remain the same. A pity I did not realise how wrong that notion was. Perhaps things would have changed so much faster. Perhaps not. I believe that we have lessons to learn in life and that we continue to have similar experiences until we learn what we need to. 

Open fires always bring out philosophical ideas in me. Maybe because the flames themselves remind me so much of life in motion.

I hope you all have a super weekend.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

New Beginnings

The move took place without any problems at all, except for a very cold first night until I figured out the heating arrangements. However, I did have some very good company from a certain special someone which helped. :-)

Everything is going well, and I am now happy in my little wooden lodge. It is a shame, then, that I will be cat sitting for the next 6 days. Already, I am missing my little home.

It is funny, the things I have found pleasure in that most take for granted: like making my own house rules, playing whatever music I like, and having visitors whenever I want. Living in a houseshare simply does not give you freedom. At all.

There is just one problem though. It is unavoidable too and something I have to accept as I am now living in the middle of nowhere in a wooden lodge: spiders. Huge spiders. A large one was on my dressing gown this morning...while I was wearing it. :-/ Luckily I caught it in a glass and took it out but I know there are more hiding in the shadows.

Spiders aside, I am happy and enjoying my freedom. No internet except for my phone is a strange added bonus which I have so far enjoyed. The peace and quiet, and the proximity of nature is like heaven.
More news will follow, I am sure. But for now, back to work.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Moving day is drawing nearer and I think I am getting organised. I say think because I'm in denial: I have 5 days left...4 of those days are at work and 2 evenings are booked with courses :-/  I like challenges...

The good thing about moving is that you get to go through all your stuff and decide what you can't be bothered to move...which, as it turns out, is most of my belongings. If I can move my stuff in 2.5 (I have the bike) car loads, I will count that as a sucess.

So, carboot sale here I come. Oh, and there are plenty of books to go to the book bank...again.

I always think that moving allows you to breakaway from your past and start afresh. I have new and exciting things to focus on, so why carry the past in boxes wherever I go?

I am currently on phase two of the packing. Phase one was going through my stuff and chucking away junk, and piling up everything immediately obvious that I won't need. Phase two is going through the stuff again and throwing out more. Phase three, hopefully tonight, will be going through everything again and only keeping the stuff that I know I would regret getting rid of.  It is not easy being this strict on myself, but it is essential now that I am going to give myself the new start that I deserve.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

A Toast

I have paid the deposit and set a moving date. Next Friday, I will be moving into a place of my own. I am nervous but excited.

The timing is not soon enough though, but I will explain all in time. All I can say is that I am unwell with stress but I am ploughing on. I need this change.

I was nervous yesterday and unsure of my decision, so I took a trusted friend with me to view the lodge. A second opinion. She loved it as much as I do, so my mind is at ease again. I will make this work, I know I will.

The thing I am most looking forward to: cooking for my friends again, and hosting dinner parties. :-) I hope that this will give me the peace that I have been searching for.

So, tonight I raise a glass (a small one...with a good 18yr old single malt...) to congratulate myself for taking a new direction.

Monday, 8 October 2012

Moving on

I have decided to move. It was actually a rash decision at first (Sorry RR, I made a major life changing decision without you...!) but as I started to look for places, it felt right. Or, at least, it did. Yesterday, I was so sure of it that I said yes to a place.

I found somewhere which is ideal for me: a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. Furnished. With an acre garden. It is cheap too. I guess I got lucky but it concerns me that it seems too easy. Ok, so it is further from work than I would have liked (45 mins each way) but I can car share from not too far away. Oh. And there is no internet so I would have to rely on a dongle = no skype. However, I will be able to have guests over for dinner whenever I like, and the special one in my life can stay at weekends whenever she wants too. It will be a space of my own. Somewhere that I can call home, perhaps.

Maybe it is because of the time scale involved that is making me scared that I have made the wrong decision. (I went to give my notice only to discover that I only have to give two weeks in my current place. Two Weeks! ).

At least I don't have much to pack...! But: two weeks! It does not seem long enough to adjust to the decision. In short, I am highly stressed.

It does not help that I was going through loads of boxes that have been sealed since I left the unhappy house in St Agnes and have come across things that, quite frankly, I never want to see again. I haven't even recycled those things, I have thrown them in a bin bag ready to be dumped.

You can do pros and cons for hours but how do you really know that you have made the right decision? How do you know that staying put for that little bit longer would be wiser? What if a place close to work had come up instead?! This is why I have been here for so long: I hate committing to decisions that could end up me getting into a terrible mess. :-/ But the decision can only be partly undone: whatever happens between now and Sunday week, I will not be living in this place. That is a shock to the system.