Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Is it possible to O.D. on peanut butter...?

I don't think so. My partner seems to think that even the smell of it is toxic. So toxic that even having a sealed jar in the cupboard is dangerous.

Ah well, the boss at home is still at work. That means it is peanut butter-o'clock. What she doesn't know won't harm her. Nom nom. ;-)

Monday, 23 September 2013

A Dress

It is not that I made a conscious decision to stop buying girly clothes, it just kind of happened gradually over time. The shift in clothes choice related to a dark period of my life when I put on shit loads of weight. It was a confidence thing, clearly. I was also in denial and wore elasticated waist lines so that I didn't have to admit that I was fat...and getting fatter.

I've lost all that weight now but I didn't go back to particularly feminine clothes. It came to a point a few weeks ago that I had to dig through old (ancient) photographs of me looking very feminine just to prove it to people. Short skirts, very long hair, long nails (kept shortish now for practical reasons), delicate shoes. Now I like to wear my DMs and smart trousers to work, or jeans at any other possible time that I can. It is because it is practical; comfortable. It certainly was for when I worked in IT.

But I am not in IT any more. This should have been in an update a while ago, but I am now a Personal Assistant. Back to administration, which I had promised myself I would never return to (it is actually a good job, but that's another story). I don't always need to wear such practical clothes, as I'm not going into server rooms or crawling under desks. I felt that it was time for a change. So I did it...I bought a dress.

I was always told that you should look in the mirror at yourself and find the one thing you like about yourself and say 'I love my *' (*fill in with eyes/smile/wrists/or other relevant body part). It isn't an ego thing, it is purely to say to yourself that there's something good you like (much more positive than look at sagging stomachs with self-loathing - I know, I've done that too). For me: my legs. I love my legs. All the hard work from doing three martial arts has paid off with perfectly toned legs. OK, so there are bits of my body I don't like at all, but if I look at my legs: I am good.

When I was overweight I was at my least confident and could barely speak to a shop assistant. It took me 6 months to get hair cuts, and I wore crappy clothes because I was afraid to go shopping. The guys at university even had a nickname for me: mute girl. It wasn't nice, but it was accurate. Over time, I grew as a person, but I was still lacking confidence and staying in terrible relationships because I didn't know that there could be better for me out there..

One day, when the shit hit the fan (I very suddenly became single), I decided that I didn't want that for myself any more; I wanted to be a part of the world. So I changed. I worked damn hard at change. Now I am a healthy size, I go to three different martial arts lessons, I am a PA that has to speak to a lot of different people, and I wear dresses.

This dress isn't just a dress to me, it is a reflection of how far I have come.

Everyone did a double take when they saw me today. Everyone. If an earlier version of myself could see me now, I doubt she would recognise me either.

Monday, 16 September 2013

Pants... drying. Sweat defying. At least, that's what the packet says. Don't ask how I got this pair of lady garments, don't even ask what they look like. I can't tell you, it would ruin my reputation. Better you think of them as lace, red perhaps, than the dull grey granny-pants that they actually are.

They have been at the back of my underwear drawer for some time. Unused, unwanted. But then the time finally came when I decided to test them.

We are walking the southwest coast path, not in one go (I tried that when I was younger and managed 120 miles before I got an injury) but in 13-14 mile sections at a time. We might do a section a day here and there, maybe occasionally camp on the way to make a whole weekend of walking. It is on both of our bucket lists.

We planned our first section on our holiday last week. St Agnes to Godrevy. 13.4 miles of beautiful coast with steep inclines and steeper drops. There is nothing like coast walking to get you hot and well exercised. What a perfect opportunity to test the pants!

It was a joke, at first. My partner laughed (oh, how she laughed) when the pants went on, but even in those first moments I knew that they felt...comfortable. We drove out to the starting point and started the walk. It was a hot day with glorious sunshine, and we started off at a fast pace. After an hour, they felt dry and comfortable. After two hours, the same...I almost got caught (in the middle of nowhere) checking...! (That would have looked odd). Damn it, even as we came to the end of the walk at 4.5 hours, they were soft, dry and comfy to wear.

I am an experienced walker. I have hiked up mountains (UK ones, if they count), across the Lake District and Peak District, across Dartmoor and Bodmin Moor, Penwith and the coastal path. I have walked hundreds of miles. Literally. But I never thought I would be converted to granny pants. Please don't say it's my age.

I once did a 14 mile walk wearing a thong under my walking trousers. Trust me, you wouldn't want to try it.  

No. I am afraid I am converted. I washed and readied the garment for the next walk which we did on Saturday (Godrevy to St Ives). I think they will become as important as my walking boots...