Monday, 19 November 2012

Life has taken a slightly different pace since moving to the lodge. It is peaceful here and I no longer feel that urgency to "achieve" something amazing with my life . I am beginning to feel content. Sometimes, though, there is that moment of anxiety when I feel that I am not the high achiever I think everyone wants me to be.

The 100days challenge has mostly fallen by the wayside. Moving house took the wind from my sails but not before I achieved some pretty big things. Now, however, it is difficult to pick up where I left off.

The darkness out here has not helped my running...the country lanes at night have so far intimidated me, even though I have bought the necessary equipment (head torch etc) to cope. My kung fu, however is progressing, which is not surprising as I can practice indoors. I am now yellow sash after last week's grading.

I know that I need to refocus and gather my energies again, perhaps filter through my goals and decide which ones are actually important. There is something else, too. I have found that life has led me straight into the path of someone special, and it is going very well indeed. In fact, so well that I am in a bit of a daze. I didn't think that I would let someone in again but S slipped past my barriers like they didn't exist. With any new relationship, a good one that you hope will last, you begin to wonder how your goals fit in with theirs and whether compromises may one day be required.

I think too much.

I love the lodge, though. It is what I need to escape a hectic world. The stars at night are superb, and the quiet is calming. I am making curtains to make the place more "me" and, little-by-little, I am turning it into a home. My first proper home.