Friday, 23 December 2011

A year ago today I felt like the world had been taken away from me. I suppose, in a way, one had been taken away, but I was given a completely new one in exchange. I have absolutely no regrets. In fact, I never thought I'd write this but being dumped was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

There have been highlights and lows but the good times have outnumbered the bad, and the best part of the whole year is finding new friends and re-discovering how wonderful all of my friends are. I couldn't have got to today without them, and especially not without my housemate who has been my best friend through it all. I am not very good at showing my appreciation, but I am so grateful.

I have also had the most amazing opportunity to discover myself: who I am, what I want, who I aspire to be. That is one of the greatest gifts.

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

4.78 miles. That's the furthest I've run so far. It's how far I ran this evening. My head is less jumbled as a result. My legs are tired because of it. I think I will sleep well...

I have been doing my fitness regime for several months now. During the summer, I was cycling like a crazy idiot (crazy because not only was I doing 20+ mile cycles, I was also doing some serious off-roading) but, now that it's dark in the evenings, I have taken to running again. I think I'm doing well.

The running helps take my mind off things. Like I had to start a sexual harrassment complaint against someone (don't worry, it was a minor incident but I am determined to stand up for women everywhere and let men like this realise that they just can't treat women like that), and my report which is nearly there (honest)... but it can be a little addictive; exercise that is. I never thought I'd be a runner, and now I want to do a marathon. It's amazing how much a person can change in a year. 

I wish my blogs were longer. Admittedly I'm tired from the run this evening and I've only now started to get back into writing but, somehow, I leave things feeling like I've left them unfinished, yet I'm not sure what is missing. Does it come with practise, I wonder?

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

There doesn't seem to be answers to the questions I have to ask. I've recently wondered if I've even been asking the right questions. Maybe I'm even asking the wrong people.Who knows.

I am being vague.

Tomorrow, perhaps, I will be able to put words to this jumble of feelings but, right now, I am exhausted! It's been a long day and I still have not finished my report. Two hours this evening, and most of the afternoon. I am turning a molehill into a mountain...or maybe I'm trying to break down a mountain into lots of little molehills, all of which I am tripping over. I'm not sure. I'll feel better once I have finally printed it off and handed it over.

Monday, 28 November 2011

I have to write a report for work.

Strangely, I'd even rather face my writer's block and come on here to write a blog than finish off that report. I've even gone for a quick 3 mile run this evening, even though I promised myself a break from exercise as I haven't been feeling so well. Anything I can do to avoid the report, I have done. Blogging is my last resort.

I am now in the position where I can work from home when I feel that it is appropriate (two promotions in less than 4 months has flown me into this wonderful I.T. professional role within my organisation where I can actually do things like work from home, or go to business conferences etc).I thought working at home would be fun. It's not. And it's certainly not skiving off. I did more work today than I would if I'd been at the office, simply because I didn't want to abuse my manager's trust.

I have been working on this report all afternoon and it still isn't finished. I'm exhausted!! But, yet, I still feel like I should have something more substantial...a draft. A first draft, at least.

Getting a writer who suffers from chronic, debilitating writer's block to write a report is like asking someone who is afraid of heights to jump off a bridge. It doesn't compute. There are words trapped somewhere, but they refuse to budge.

You might be able to guess, but my life has changed considerably since I last blogged. For a start, I finally feel like I'm doing a job that I can sink my teeth into. A mature job. With a pension. It's taken a lot of bloody hard work to get there (not that I tell people how hard I work). There have been tears. There has been stress. But I made it.

Perserverence is everything.

Which is why, even though I have been avoiding it, I will finish this report before I go back into the office tomorrow.

I just have to find the right words...

Sunday, 30 January 2011

4. A change of Scene

I've had a difficult month. I never imagined that it could be so hard, and it makes you question so many things in your life and helps you re-evaluate yourself and where you want to go.

I am now living near Falmouth again, a part of the county which I believe part of my heart will always remain.I'm never quite sure why. It's the atmosphere, I think, and the mix of river verses seaside. You don't have to leave Falmouth to have a change of scenery. It's ideal. And far enough away from my last place to help me get over things.

The funny thing is, I think I actually craved this change in my life. I didn't know it at the time, though. And while the going has been pretty tough, I know that better times are coming.