The car crash shouldn't have happened.

We weren't even supposed to be there. If I hadn't given S a lift because she was running a few minutes behind and if the other lady wasn't giving her friend a lift home from a workout session on the beach...and perhaps even if the man in the third car hadn't been dropping his wife off to work.

But it did happen.

Driving down the hill, we were looking forward to a sunny day. I had work plans, website work to do and a stroll around the headland planned in my head. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a car came onto our side of the road. I beeped the horn as a warning but, to me at least, the car seemed to veer in even more. A couple of heart beats later and the cars collided. One minute I was staring out of the windscreen at a silver car that was too close, the next there was a huge bang and my vision was a white out.

Confused, I beat at the air around my face . It was the airbag. I felt claustrophobic, the air was thick with icy white smoke from the air bag mechanism. I shoved the fabric away from my face and opened the door.

The order of things becomes confusing. Did I swear before or after I realised blood was flowing down my face from my nose? I do remember telling S to call the police before getting out of the car and seeing the other driver doubled over in tearful shock. I remember telling the driver's friend to sit her down and, no not just on the pavement, put her back up against the wall in case she's injured and goes into shock. Then I stopped being a first aider. I realised that I was going into shock, so I too sat down on the pavement up against the wall, blood running down my chin, smeared on my hands.

S was talking to police.

Some man walked up to me and asked if I was ok. I don't know what I said but he walked off again. He started directing traffic.

Time became distorted. A train had pulled in, a woman offered me a roll of toilet paper to mop up the blood (I had found a handkerchief in my pocket by then, it was OK). That confused me. Someone in a veterinary nurse uniform asked if I was OK and said something and then walked off.

I looked over at the crumpled mess of the car. The tyre was flat and the wheel in a funny shape, like a cartoon. Bits of car where shattered all over the road. A steady leak was coming out from where the radiator should be. "That'll be expensive", I thought.

And then the paramedic was there.

You know you're the worst injured when the paramedic assesses the scene and then comes to you first. That's the dead give away.

S was standing nearby. The other woman was tearful and kept apologising. Her friend was talking about heading off. And I was sat quietly on the floor with a bloody handkerchief. No brainier, I guess.

My quietness was my way of stilling myself so I could assess the damage to my body: what was hurting. My face. My neck. My wrist...? I looked down, it had a weird swelling.

"My wrist," I said, "there's something wrong with my wrist".

I repeated it in shock, I saw the other woman looking horrified and she started to cry again.

There was an assessment, and I found myself sat in the paramedic car while the paramedic did his paperwork. The swelling was going down, the nose had stopped bleeding. A minor injuries hospital visit looked inevitable.

I had had no idea that we had been hit by a car behind us as well. That was the man who had been directing the traffic until the police had arrived. I have no recollection of that happening. And S had been hit on her knees by the airbag. Strange! But then we did have a van car and the airbag for the passenger side was huge.

S was brilliant. Taking photographs, and taking the driver details. She took control while I was senseless on the floor. Mind you, I had been smacked full in the face by an airbag but still... I feel now that I was ineffectual.

The injuries are not serious.. The whiplash is painful, and my nose is bruised and sore. I have various bruises and abrasions, as does S with hers and her whiplash. But we are alive. We are walking. We have no car because it was immediately written off but it will be OK.

That's all that's important, isn't it?


But thre's one thing that I can't get over.

When it all happened, there was nothing in my mind. No "life flashing before your eyes" moments. It was just a vision of a car, a bang, and whiteness. That's it.

And it reminded me of a news item I saw a few weeks back of a man who got punched in the side of the head and he was dead. Just like that. Walking along one moment, dead on the floor the next. And I realised that he too would have experienced nothing.

I did not feel anything. There was no immediate pain. There were no thoughts. Just experience.

It makes you wonder about life. What could come after it. Is there anything that comes after? Was I expecting the comfort of a hidden guardian angel or some spiritual awakening? Am I being dramatic for what was a five second mini episode of life?

But if life can be snuffed out like that, what are we doing here? Why do we focus on silly things like computer games or petty annoyances?  Why do we focus on small things?