Friday, 21 May 2010

5. Storm in a buttercup

storm in a buttercup

I'm trying to get myself back into writing again. It's been such a long time that I can barely remember the last time I wrote a story and managed to finish it. Due to various factors, I lost my confidence in writing a long time ago.

There's one thing that I know is my biggest problem: my constant need for perfection. It has given me such angst over the years: I want to be good at everything I do. I guess it's something that is "built in". I have little patience for things that I'm not good at.

In writing, there is no way of creating the perfect piece without spending time editing. It can be hard work, and then you have to wait for a couple of weeks to read through it again and see if you like it! There's no immediacy with it. I think that's why I like photography so much: you can see almost instantaneously whether you've got a good shot or not!

But I like writing. I spent hours and hours in my own little world, creating stories. I loved the written word and the way I could transport myself somewhere completely different. But my need for perfection gets in the way.

My whole world in this past year has been turned upside and inside out, and improved so much for the better. I have been working really hard on self-improvement (confidence; patience; compassion; understanding etc etc etc). So I know, at least intellectually, that it is okay to do something merely because you enjoy it...I don't have to be the best at it. If I enjoy it, then I don't even have to be good. I know this but translating it to something I actually feel can be like a storm in a buttercup ;-) But I am trying.

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